


Just As

by kazoobard



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazoobard/pseuds/kazoobard
Summary: Abed has a meltdown. He's not alone anymore.
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	Just As

**Author's Note:**

> Being an autistic Community fan is... comforting, and still I think almost painful. I think we love Abed because we are Abed. And we love Troy because we need somebody to love us the way that Troy loves him.

Abed is crazy.

This is the thought running through his head as he lays curled up on the floor, hands covering his ears, eyes squeezed shut. He’s crazy and he knows it, and he can’t stop it. Only a crazy person panics when lights are too bright. Only a crazy person cries because his t-shirt hurts his skin.

He doesn’t know how long he lays like that. He wants to move, to get ahold of himself before anyone gets home. But he can’t. He just lays there, quietly shaking.

“Abed?” It’s Troy’s voice, muffled through Abed’s hands. He can feel footsteps fall, and soft rustling. Troy is sitting in front of him. “Are you okay?”

Abed shakes his head slightly. “Hurts,” he chokes out.

“Can I help?”

Abed’s heart squeezes. He lets out a soft moan and Troy stands, his footsteps retreating. When Troy returns, he says, “You can open your eyes now.”

Abed does. It’s dark. He can make out Troy’s shape and some of his features, but it’s more of a vague portrait than a full image of him. Abed blinks, realizes his brain’s static has calmed some.

“Is that better?” Troy asks, keeping his voice quiet.

Abed nods, then croaks, “Shirt.”

Troy leans forward and lifts up Abed’s t-shirt, careful not to touch his skin. He throws the shirt aside and holds out a hand, offering it but not expecting Abed to take it.

Abed takes it.

Troy helps him to his feet, clearing off the bottom bunk and sitting down with Abed. “Blanket?”

Abed nods, and a warm pressure spreads across Abed’s back. It’s a better fabric than his shirt. It smells like Troy.

They sit in silence for a few minutes while Abed grounds himself, trying his best to take even breaths. Eventually  
Troy speaks, still using that calm, quiet voice. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” Abed mumbles. “I just… it happens.”

They fall back into silence.

“Abed?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever thought about maybe… talking to someone about this? Like a doctor?”

Abed flinches. “No.”

Troy doesn’t understand. “I think maybe it could help—”

“You think there’s something wrong with me.”

Troy immediately touches Abed’s arm, then withdraws his hand when Abed shudders. “No, Abed, of course not. I’m just worried about you.”

Abed grits his teeth, turning his face away. His face is hot with embarrassment and shame. Troy wants to fix him, just like everyone else. Of course he does. Who would want to deal with him like this?

“I’m sorry for being crazy,” he whispers.

“Abed… you’re not crazy.”

Troy is telling the truth. He has to be, because they promised not to lie to each other. But he’s wrong. Troy doesn’t know all the bad things about Abed. He doesn’t know that when people were mean to him, it was because he made them uncomfortable. He doesn’t know that sometimes he punches things during meltdowns. He doesn’t know that he broke his family, not his mom.

Abed breaks everything around him. And now he’s breaking this, too.

He feels a droplet fall onto his arm, and sniffs, embarrassed. He hates crying.

“Abed, can I hold you?”

“No, thank you.”

It’s quiet. Abed’s eyes are adjusting to the dark. He closes them again.

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Troy whispers. “I’m sorry.”

Abed speaks slowly. “You want what’s best for me. Do you think a doctor is what’s best for me?”

Troy is quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. You just seem… sad, and lost. I wanna make it better, and I’m scared that I can’t.”

Abed draws the blanket closer. “My dad made me see doctors as a kid. And I saw one as an adult, once. It always made me feel worse.”

The room is quiet. Troy’s presence is grounding, even when Abed feels like slipping away into panic. He focuses on that.

“I’m not an experiment.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t want to be confused anymore, but I don’t… I don’t want to go through that again.”

“Okay,” Troy says slowly. “I could talk to Annie. We could research some stuff on our own.”

“You’d do that?”

“Yeah.” Troy’s voice betrays a smile.

Abed blinks, looks at Troy. Closes his eyes again. “Can you stay here?”

“Of course.”

They fall asleep on the bottom bunk together, Troy curled in the corner, careful not to touch Abed. He’ll spend the next few days making sure nobody else touches him, either, like he always does after a meltdown. Abed appreciates it.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“Love you,” Troy grunts, not entirely lucid.

Abed smiles, burying his face in the blanket.


End file.
